Writing a Memoir: Finding Your Unique Story

Memoirs are personal accounts of particular eras or specific events in your life. They do not cover everything you’ve experienced every year of your life. Nor do they include every memory you have. Those kinds of books are either autobiographies (if you are writing about yourself) or biographies (if someone else is writing your life story after you die).

The purpose of a memoir is to explore and depict how you experienced a change of some kind. The options are endless: a change in perspective, mindset, belief system, health habits, relationship patterns, or how you finally discovered a way to keep the junk drawer in the kitchen neat and tidy.

Sometimes that change is manifested as a life lesson—like learning how you can find hope in the midst of despair, learning how to live a sober life while being a bartender, or learning how to be at peace in a chaotic world.

Sometimes when writers hear that advice, they balk at the idea that their memoir is about them experiencing a change. Perhaps they’ve led a very interesting life that, once typed into a document, would make for an equally interesting read. Or maybe they could fill a library with stories about fun adventures, salacious episodes of meeting famous people, or heart-warming experiences with their children. All that is great! And all of it can go into your book. But it will leave your reader unsatisfied if there is no point in the stories.

That’s not bad news. Every author we’ve worked with who wanted to write a memoir because their life is interesting, realized after working with an author coach or ghostwriter that there was more to their story (pun intended). Every interesting life became interesting because of the way the person living it was impacted. Every adventurer is transformed in some way with each escapade. Every heart-warming event has a life lesson. Sometimes you just need a little help in finding those things.

Aside from ensuring your story has a message about change, here are a few key concepts to keep in mind as you write your memoir:

• Before you start writing – set parameters:
  • Decide what main story you’re telling about your life and use that as a framework for your book so you don’t include non-essential stories.
  • Decide where to begin.
    • Sometimes, that moment is a “moment of discovery.” Meaning, the moment when your personal journey began, the journey that is propelling you to write your memoir. It’s the moment you knew something had changed in your life, permanently. Keep in mind, you can go back in time to talk about previous events that led up to the moment of discovery. But only do that if they define the moment of discovery in some way or explain integral information on why it happened.
    • Another place to start is perhaps the most obvious: when the particular era or event you’re about to write about began.
  • Decide where the book will end, which should be the ending of that particular era in your life.
    • The ending could also be when something happened (internally or externally) that permanently changed your life.
    • It could also be when you “can see clearly” (as Wayne Dyer says) how events in your life added up to who you are as a person now.
  • Get clear on what the major ongoing themes are in your life that created or impacted the change in you so you can use them throughout your writing. For example, our author Katrina Harris’ memoir Freedom Ain’t Free is about how she transformed herself by discovering a sense of self-worth, which enabled her to take agency over her life. A key theme in her book reflects how she was psychologically imprisoned by the belief systems of others throughout her life. As she tells her tale, the reader gets an inside look at her growing up, becoming a child bride at age 15, being a mom (of three) in prison by the age of 18, entering another unhappy marriage, and finally finding her self-worth, which is how she broke the old patterns and found happiness. Each story she tells in her book reflects how she’d been restricted or imprisoned in some way—then how she breaks free.

• Once you start, there are a few important things and writing techniques to keep in mind.
  • Perhaps most pressing is, how will you handle other people in your memoir? Sometimes it’s best not to use personal names if you ever plan on publishing. If you look in many published memoirs, you’ll see a disclaimer on the copyright page about how the author merged identities, conflated events, or otherwise used creative license to protect the privacy of the individuals involved. If you feel you must use real names or other defining characteristics, be aware that can put you at risk of being sued for libel or invasion of privacy. So it’s always a good idea to warn people ahead of time and consider asking them to sign a waiver.
  • Always tell the truth. You’re writing a memoir, not a novel. Memoirs are true stories.
  • Put your readers in your shoes on the page. That means perfecting the art of showing not telling, as that’s the best way to create an emotional connection with your reader. In other words, don’t write, “I was nervous.” Write, “My heart pounded so hard and fast, I could feel it everywhere in my entire body. I heard a rattling sound, and realized it was the keys in my shaking hands.”
  • Use elements of fiction to bring your story to life. Incorporate the five senses when describing scenes, fully flesh out your characters, and understand what makes for a good narrative arc and apply it.
  • Always remember you want to create and maintain an emotional connection to your reader. Don’t just show them the events that happened, incorporate the emotional journey you took along with those events.

We hope the above gets the creative juices flowing for you regarding writing a memoir. If you find you’d like a little help, reach out to see if an author coach or ghostwriter could be of service to you. Or—and this is really exciting for us—let us know you want to hear about our upcoming online book-writing courses we have in the works. We’re on track to have them ready beginning in March 2025!

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